CANCER

Prologue: On March 7th 2007 my Mum was diagnosed with cancer, but not a cancer that can be beaten because of the secondary that has seriously affected her liver, and because of her age (she’s 80).

Mum had really been ok until about 10 days ago. A bit tired maybe, and she has since told us that she’d had night sweats for about two weeks, and also changes in her bowel for about six months, more diarrhoea than was normal. But nothing dramatic, no blood in the stools, no vomiting, just general low grade changes. Then about 10 days ago she had pain down her right side and my brother took her to ED. They diagnosed constipation and sent her home, but told her to follow up with her GP as her liver function test was abnormal. The next morning she rang me because the pain had returned. We spent the day in ED while they did further tests and a scan of her liver, and then told us that her liver didn’t look normal and she needed to be admitted so this could be investigated further. We weren’t thinking it was cancer though.

Initially when she was in hospital we were thinking cirrhosis, she’s not a big drinker but we knew that you could get cirrhosis in other ways. I was berating her about her diet that is high protein, high fat and low fibre, and not what a liver likes. My Mum has had difficulty with allergies for a long time, and this has dramatically affected her decisions about what she eats, consequently she’s eaten this strange diet which I was sure had caused some adverse affect to her liver. At this stage we were still feeling pretty positive that she had something that could be beaten or managed.

Then the consultant came to see us on the second day. He told us that in his opinion the scan indicated that her liver was badly affected by cancer, and that this was a secondary cancer. He thought the primary was either in her bowel or breast. The first step he said was to do a liver biopsy and this would confirm the cancer diagnosis and the type of cells would indicate where the primary could be. He said that the liver biopsy was done under local anaesthetic guided by ultrasound but really my Mum’s liver was so badly affected that he could go in anywhere and they would be sure to get cells. He wasn’t talking about a liver with suspicious spots, he was talking about a liver that was riddled with cancer.

The biopsy was done on Monday, the tests came late on Wednesday. A particularly bad sign, I thought, was the Anglican minister who attended twice on Wednesday the second time just before we got the news. The news was bad. The diagnosis was confirmed. My Mum has cancer of the liver and the cells indicated that the primary was either in her bowel, stomach or pancreas. The registrar was very patient with us explaining what this all meant, but making no bones about the fact that it was terminal. He wouldn’t be drawn on the question of time. What he did want us to consider was whether we went looking for the primary? It seemed at this point that we had a choice – she could have a gastroscopy/colonoscopy or not. But there were good reasons to go ahead with these scopes: 1. It would indicate whether the primary was likely to cause problems in the future, ie cause a blockage or obstruction, or bleeding, and 2. if it was bowel cancer it would be important for my brother and I to know because there is some hereditary risk. We decided to go ahead. My Mum was prep’d for the colonoscopy on Thursday ready to have it done on Friday.

I asked her consultant to refer us to an Oncologist and we saw him Thursday night. He was a young Chinese Australian. He told us that yes my Mum’s condition is terminal, but that depending on where the primary cancer was there could be some treatment options. My brother and I perked up at this. If the primary was in her pancreas there really wouldn’t be any options, and the end would be quick and nasty, three months at the most. If the primary was in her bowel there could be some gentle chemo options. Basically if we didn’t do anything with a primary in her bowel she would have 3-6 months, with some gentle chemo it might extend her life a little – in someone younger than her it could buy them 2-2.5 years, but not for an 80 year old. He was hesitant to put a figure on it, I was left with some hope but not a lot. I think my brother decided she’d be around for another 18 months – 2 years. He thought this was somewhat funny as we’d decided that on discharge Mum would move in with me and my long suffering partner Guy, and that suddenly this was looking like a more extended stay!

Anyway, the colonoscopy and gastroscopy found a large tumour in her bowel. We’re to see the oncologist this Thursday to find out what this means, what treatment there might be.

Saturday we went to my Mum’s and got things for her to move into our house, her bed, some occasional tables, her tv, and brought them back to set up a room for her. I took her Spode dinner set that I’ve always wanted but suddenly don’t want anymore. My brother took some things. It seems astounding that we accumulate things, possessions and property, through our life that finally mean nothing. Will the salvos come and get the furniture, or will they think it’s too old and worn out for them? Should we put it out for the hard rubbish collection in April? How will that feel, putting out things that my Mum and Dad accumulated, worked hard for, on the nature strip. This is all very unknown territory for me, and very very difficult at times.

Sunday my Mum was discharged from hospital. I brought her home to her room that we’d set up. It looks very nice, we have a house that we’ve been renovating. The floors are polished, the walls are white, we have plantation shutters on the window, it looks very pleasant. I forgot to mention that in the midst of all this my parents in law arrived for a visit from the UK. They brought Mum beautiful pink roses and hydrangeas. There’s a sofa in her room so she can sit in peace and quiet.

A couple of extra points:
- my father has dementia, he has had this for about 6-7 years and has been in a nursing home for maybe 2-3 years. He is in the final stages of dementia and no longer knows who I am. My Mum has been going into the nursing home 4-5 days per week to make sure that he eats lunch because he’s inclined not to want to eat, so for the last 10 days no one has done this, apart from my brother and I when I visited for my Dad’s 82nd birthday on the day the consultant gave us his provisional diagnosis.
- we don’t have any family in Australia, my father is Polish and when repatriated from the farm he was a slave labourer on in Germany during the war went straight to England. He met and married my Mum there in 1962 and they emigrated to Australia in 1963. I have taken some time off work to look after Mum.