Day 5, 16.3.7

Went to work again this morning and that seemed to be alright. It does ease my worry being able to work a little bit. I think also it’s easy to think that I have to be around all the time when at the moment I don’t. I think I might also start seeing some clients on Monday morning if I can get some guaranteed respite time.

This afternoon I picked up the towels I bought on an online auction and got Mum’s medication. Changed beds, did washing, fed cats etc.

My Mum has just done something that has infuriated me. To give you some background – for as long as I can remember she has always/frequently had a selection of things for me to read when I’ve gone to her house. For as long as I can remember I’ve always declined to read them, and at times explicitly asked her not to do this. She has always struggled to accept this, and thinks I’m ignorant for not wanting to read these things. She has just handed me, or tried to hand me an article on Richard Pratt out of today’s Age with his mottos for life or something (he’s something of a womanizing company mogul in Melbourne) and told me to read it, “go on it won’t take long it’s even in big print”. I said no that I didn’t want to, to which she variously replied, you’ve never wanted to read anything I’ve given you (true) and your loss (I doubt). There are a couple of things this has made me feel. Absolutely disrespected, that she is not able to respect a very basic thing that I don’t want to do. Also as I was fuming and thinking about replies to her, reasons to give for not wanting to read it, I realized that I have a tendency to come up with fantastic reasons why I can’t do things and largely I think this has been because she has often put me in positions where I’ve had to do this to justify myself, because a simple no is not good enough. I feel really upset that even now when she is so unwell she doesn’t get this. It's likely I suppose that she'll never get it.

My partner's parents are back tonight, he's thinking of different things to do at the weekend.